I’m sorry for making things like this.
Believe me when I say I didn’t see this coming. Believe me when I say I didn’t think you’d end up meaning so much more than we first met. Believe me when I say that every single day, I’m scared of waking up and realize that you haven’t replied to my chat messages or that text I sent.
Not because you forgot. Not because we’re fighting.
But because you’re now too busy with someone else.
Do you know how much it hurts when you hold my hand knowing you’re also probably holding someone else’s? Do you know how much scared I am of opening up, so scared that I’d rather stay here in-between the lines of being your friend and being so much more.
So even though my heart beats every time you call my name, I remind myself to always take a step back. I remind myself of the reasons why I built these walls. I remind myself that I’m not the only one.
I’ll pretend I don’t know anything. I’ll pretend I didn’t see or hear those conversations. I’ll pretend that we’re okay and I’m happy being where we are. I’ll smile and joke around because that’s who I am.
I’ll pretend everything’s fine just so you’ll stay.
I’ll pretend I’m okay with being your ‘maybe’.